I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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