Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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