girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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