just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
