Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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