I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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