He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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