I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
