even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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