she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the day after is always just damage control
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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