Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
