please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
