I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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