i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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