I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
