I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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