dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
