I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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