worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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