i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
