I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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