i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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