Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
40s are totally the cure
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
