Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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