Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
