Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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