Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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