Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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