wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
