Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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