my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
