the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BRING THE BAGELS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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