Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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