those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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