hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
