I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
