Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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