I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
