I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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