so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
