There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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