You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
