It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
