I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
