Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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