The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
