if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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