Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Floor bacon is actually really good
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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