i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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