you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
