i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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