Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sex in a hospital.. check
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
