I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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