Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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