I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
