How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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