I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
