We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
