so that wasnt chicken after all
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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